On Thursday of that first week, we drove to Baotou to visit the orphanage where Kate lived her first 2 years and 3 months. First stop was the police station to pick up Kate's passport. We didn't know if photos were allowed inside and we didn't want to try, so Nathan snapped this one as we drove away. Kate's passport photo is the cutest/saddest thing ever!
This is an example of what I was talking about in the other post, about how Hohhot and Baotou were so very different from Guangzhou. Roadside shops like this were everywhere. Lots and lots of car repair places and roads in this condition. There were plenty of more modern areas too though.
The main highway seemed new and smooth.
And the scenery on the way really was beautiful.
It was about a 2 and a half hour drive. Not very exciting for the girls, but they were both well behaved.
As we passed this teachers' college, our guide told us that she had studied there for 5 years to be an English teacher, but then she only taught middle school for a little while. When Nathan asked how long she said, "Oh, about 2 days. Middle school is hard!". We agreed with her.
Some areas leading into Baotou were a bit rough, but we thought the actual city was quite pretty. This area looked sort of like a little Swiss town or something. There were weeping willows in the medians of the road, and it was very green and well maintained.
They stopped for lunch first which kind of surprised us, but it was tasty. Kate was really into the sunflower seeds they had on the table, but Anna didn't find too much she liked at this restaurant.
This is the same lady that brought Kate to us on Gotcha day. She actually rode with us in the van from Hohhot to Baotou. Kate wanted to sit with her and I didn't argue, and she was happy to see updated photos of other children that had come from Baotou and are now home with their new families.
Our first stop after lunch was Kate's finding spot. We asked at the restaurant if they would take us there, and they spoke to each other about it in Mandarin but they never really answered us. So we were a bit surprised when they stopped the van and told us to get out quickly if we wanted photos. Kate was found inside a hospital and it was a very busy, but nice, modern, and clean place. We went up to the area near where she was found and took several photos, but I'm just posting this one. I didn't expect to be so overwhelmed when we were there, but I broke down. Just thinking of her birth mother walking that same path ...how I would have felt carrying my newborn up there, knowing I would never see them again ......it was too much. The sweet baby I was carrying in my arms was the same one that was placed in that hallway by her mother. It wasn't just a report in her file, it was real. SHE is real, and so is her mother. I cried for both of them on that path. It was all so rushed and they kept saying our van was in a no parking zone, so I just kissed Kate and took some deep breaths and we had to leave. I'm so glad we were able to stop there and get more detailed photos for her to see one day. Even though they were rushing us, Nathan stayed and took a few more photos. It was too important not to.
Before we really had time to recover, we were pulling in the orphanage gate.
This was Kate's building, you can see cribs lined up in the second floor window. I have seen these buildings countless times in other people's photos, so it was strange to be standing there in real life.
Pretty much as soon as we walked up, a nanny came and just took Kate out of my arms. I had forgotten the carrier, so I knew they might take her, but I was still a bit panicked when they did. I just had to remind myself that the whole visit was only supposed to be 30 minutes, and 30 minutes wouldn't undo all that we had done to earn her trust for the last 3 days.
On the way up to her room we passed the playground.
Upstairs we entered her little area. It was basically a few rooms grouped together. There was the room with all of the cribs and the playroom that we've seen in all of our other photos of her, and this little kitchen and bathroom. All of the rooms were much smaller than I had guessed based on photos alone.
Kate was able to see all of her nannies and some of her little friends. This sweetie in the pink bow has a family coming for her within a month or less! We only saw about 5-6 kids in her room and a few others in the halls.
They asked Kate to show them her bed and she ran over and showed them. As expected, she was very comfortable there and knew exactly where everything was.
This nanny came up from another floor to see Kate. She was her main nanny from the time she was very small until she was moved up to her most recent room. This sweet woman could not stop crying. She was very sweet to us, but it broke our hearts to see her so upset. She cried and buried her face in Kate's shoulder, and we cried right along with her.
There were many group photos. About this time they started trying to hand Kate back to me, and she started to cry and push me away. Really from the minute we got out of the car, Kate was theirs again. They passed her around, fed her snacks, and even got out a comb and changed her hair from the way I had fixed it that morning. I know in their minds, they were just loving on a little girl that they knew so well. In my mind, I was so worried. I just wanted to take her back. I could see her getting more and more panicked as they passed her around and I could tell leaving was going to be really bad.
Everything was so clean and bright.
Just getting out of this hallway was horrible. Kate had to be torn from her favorite nanny's arms and she was screaming and thrashing about so much. I'm sure to her it was like being torn away from the only mothers she has ever known. It was absolutely the worst thing I've ever had to watch. I've never seen a child react on such a primal level like that, and I hope I never have to see that again. It was like she just knew she would never see them again. All the way down these stairs Kate was screaming and I was choking back sobs. Anna was amazing, holding my hand, squeezing it each time I cried and looking at me so sweetly. Which of course just made me cry more! She was so mature and loving in that moment, and later I talked with her and told her how thankful I was that she was there with me and was so helpful in that difficult time. I can't say enough how glad I am that she was on this trip with us.
Although we were bonding well with Kate those first few days, it had only been a few days. The nannies and her orphanage were probably much more comfortable to her than we were, and I know she would have been completely happy to go back into that crib and back into her old routine. But she is too young to know what that would mean for the rest of her life, and as gut wrenching as it was to drag her out of there, we all knew it was the best thing to do.You can see in the photo below that all of the nannies and our guide seem to be calm and not too worried. I was SO worried, but they have seen this process enough times to know it's all going to be fine in the end.
You could tell the director was happy for Kate, but also sad to see her go. She gave us her email and asked us to please send her updates as Kate grows, and we will. Inside the front hall there was a bulletin board full of pictures of kids and their new families, and I plan to send some of Kate as well. The director was a school teacher for 18 years and she said they really think of their jobs as more of a Kindergarten than an orphanage, and that was so evident to us.
Once we were back in the van, we were all completely exhausted. The visit had been about 45 minutes, but we were just emotionally drained. Kate fell asleep almost immediately, but it was a shaking, sniffling sleep. She had been so worked up.
But we drove back through the mountains....
Back into the city.
When I first climbed into that van, I looked at Nathan and said, "This was a mistake". I felt like we had put Kate through something horrible, and for no real reason because I didn't feel like I learned anything new about her life before us. I was so upset over what had just happened. But the drive back gave us all time to decompress, and when Kate woke up she was almost a different child. She was loving towards us as she had already been, but she just seemed calmer somehow. She was happy, but not in the sort of manic way she had been in the days before. It seemed more genuine. The next morning she woke up and for the first time she reached her arms up for me to pick her up.
We also feel that we really did learn some important things about her past while we were there. First of all, we saw where she lived. Although we didn't see much, what we did see was clean and bright and open. Nannies and children walked freely in the halls and there were toys and comfortable beds for them all. For an orphanage, I really can't imagine a better setting. We also saw and met the women who had cared for her before we could. We have pictures of them with her, stories of how they cried for her, how they pulled out their cell phones to show me photos they had taken while playing with her, how they loved her like she was their own baby. They came up from other floors to kiss her one more time before she left. I had heard other adoptive moms say that the Baotou nannies really loved the kids and I'll be honest - I wondered if it was really true or if it was just what they wanted to believe. But I've seen it with my own eyes, on my own child. They loved her. They wanted the best for her, and for all of the children there, and I genuinely believe that they are giving their all to them each and every day.
Now that we are home with Kate, we are even more thankful for those nannies. So many "orphanage behaviors" that we expected just aren't there. She is as smart as can be and is talking up a storm, which tells us that someone spent time talking to her. She eats well and recognizes a large variety of foods, but she never grabs at food or overeats nervously, which tells us that she most likely never went hungry. She has surprisingly good fine motor skills, which we're sure comes from someone playing with her in a dedicated and purposeful way, and her eye contact has been great from day one which tells us that someone was giving that right back to her on a regular basis. We were told that she had her regular nannies, and then her Half the Sky nannies who came in to work with her on other days. We are so grateful for that! She has amazed us and we thank her nannies for all that they did to get her this far.
This post was hard to write. I started it weeks ago in China, but I just couldn't spend much time thinking about it without my feelings getting all jumbled again and for a while I couldn't even look at the pictures from that day. But being home and looking back, it's clear what a blessing that day was to us and to Kate. I feel like we have some answers for her now, and we look forward to telling her how very loved she has been every day of her life.
